Sunday, September 05, 2004
A Fitting Entry
The topic of marriage came up one night after work a couple of weeks ago. I haven't had time to commit it to typing for two reasons. One, I've been extraordinarily busy, but two, I had to take some time to think about it. The question was simple enough, Barbara asked if I would ever remarry. It's a simple question in terms of it being short, but it's also pretty complex. Here's what I've decided (with the proviso that my mind is allowed to be changed). Actually, it's not really me who decided it - I checked my owner's manual.
There are basic rules that are stated pretty clearly in the Bible.
Rule #1: It's best not to get married in the first place. Strike 1. There is some contradiction throughout, but the feeling I get is, unless you can't contain your urges and passion, it's best not to get married in the first place. I invite arguments to this rule, but to me it's pretty clear cut.
Rule #2: God hates divorce (except in the case of adultery). Strike 2. Had I been a stronger man, a better man, a more Godly man, I would not have allowed the divorce. But had I been all those things, there would be no call for the divorce in the first place.
Rule #3: To remarry (except as above) is to commit adultery. That would be strike 3.
I don't see violation of rule #1 as sin because like I said, there are places in the Bible which praise getting married, finding a good wife, falling in love, etc. I do however, see rule #2 as sin, but it's not sin that I committed alone. I dragged someone else into it. Sometimes I wonder how bad it must have been to take an otherwise "Woman of Ruth" and cause her to stand in front of a court of law and tell the world that we want to commit sin without recourse of counseling or prayer together first. Sometimes I wonder, but mostly I'm sorry.
So, that brings me to rule #3. What I want to do now that I have my head on straight is give glory to God and honor Him. I don't see getting married again as doing either of those things. I currently view remarriage as the selfish pursuit of happiness and not a selfless pursuit of His will (with a caveot).
Don't get me wrong. I'm not all high and mighty and "holier than thou". I have my moments. But as far as it's up to me, I'll resist complicating things any further than they need to be. Which (of course) brings me to the complicated part. Like any good list of rules, there are exceptions. Here are mine.
First, the caveot. In the interest of completeness, I begin with this scenario. How best to atone for a sin than to reverse it. To erase it. To annul the divorce. An interesting thought at the least, but not a likely scenario in reality. There would have to be significant changes for both of us in order to accomplish this, and we'd both have to be willing to put in the effort. In some respects, I'm hers to come back to since she divorced me, but I haven't put any effort into it either.
Second, and most important. Barbara and I discussed at length the "what-if" of me meeting a wonderful woman in the future. Would I ever reconsider? I responded at the time, and my answer still holds true. God allows do-overs. There is no life so wasted that you cannot wake up and decide to live it right. When that happens, your past is erased. Right now, I would see that as cheating since I'm already saved albeit backsliden in recent past. I'm recovered (awake even) and growing again. I'd have to do some serious soul searching to come to the decision to remarry on these grounds.
So this is the list of two. One is likely impossible (even for God?). The other - well, I'll let God write that chapter. Happy anniversary - 7 years today.
There are basic rules that are stated pretty clearly in the Bible.
I don't see violation of rule #1 as sin because like I said, there are places in the Bible which praise getting married, finding a good wife, falling in love, etc. I do however, see rule #2 as sin, but it's not sin that I committed alone. I dragged someone else into it. Sometimes I wonder how bad it must have been to take an otherwise "Woman of Ruth" and cause her to stand in front of a court of law and tell the world that we want to commit sin without recourse of counseling or prayer together first. Sometimes I wonder, but mostly I'm sorry.
So, that brings me to rule #3. What I want to do now that I have my head on straight is give glory to God and honor Him. I don't see getting married again as doing either of those things. I currently view remarriage as the selfish pursuit of happiness and not a selfless pursuit of His will (with a caveot).
Don't get me wrong. I'm not all high and mighty and "holier than thou". I have my moments. But as far as it's up to me, I'll resist complicating things any further than they need to be. Which (of course) brings me to the complicated part. Like any good list of rules, there are exceptions. Here are mine.
First, the caveot. In the interest of completeness, I begin with this scenario. How best to atone for a sin than to reverse it. To erase it. To annul the divorce. An interesting thought at the least, but not a likely scenario in reality. There would have to be significant changes for both of us in order to accomplish this, and we'd both have to be willing to put in the effort. In some respects, I'm hers to come back to since she divorced me, but I haven't put any effort into it either.
Second, and most important. Barbara and I discussed at length the "what-if" of me meeting a wonderful woman in the future. Would I ever reconsider? I responded at the time, and my answer still holds true. God allows do-overs. There is no life so wasted that you cannot wake up and decide to live it right. When that happens, your past is erased. Right now, I would see that as cheating since I'm already saved albeit backsliden in recent past. I'm recovered (awake even) and growing again. I'd have to do some serious soul searching to come to the decision to remarry on these grounds.
So this is the list of two. One is likely impossible (even for God?). The other - well, I'll let God write that chapter. Happy anniversary - 7 years today.
