Wednesday, December 15, 2004
I don't want to complicate things...
... but I'm going to kiss you now. So, why start with this? I dunno. It just popped into my head. After dwelling on this statement I made in November of 1996 outside Trace's apartment, I started thinking about today's activities. There's really no connection - I was just free associating again.
We had our labwide holiday party. I got there late and a large horde of scientists had already desended on the cheese and cracker display. Honestly, they looked like vultures. It really helps that many of these extremely educated, anti-social PhDs have their necks coming out of the chest cavity. Sorry.
I grabbed what food I thought I could and still pull back a limb and looked for a seat among "those like me". It's a comfort zone thing. I found the table that was filling up with people from my department and took the next available seat in the array.
I happened to look up, and who did I see? Yup, two of the women who, for one reason or another, I was/am supposed to ask out on dates. That completed the links. So, apparently they all know each other. Being the female of the species, I can't imagine that they don't talk. You know what I'm saying.
So, that basically kills any chances of me asking any of them out. Why? I'd feel like a science experiment being observed by a panel of these three. It's tough enough without having the additional pressure of knowing that they'll all get together and talk about every little thing to the smallest detail.
It's kinda like "Big" in Sex And The City. Not that I'm anything like Big, but if I went out with any of these girls, we (Big and I) would have the commonality of a small circle of "girlfriends" who would be discussing every detail of our relationship. I'm not very comfortable with that.
O.K. so maybe I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion, and that would never happen. I guess I'm too risk adverse to date someone who is friends with people I was "supposed" to date. I'd feel like I was cheating on the others.
Is that big of me? Not "Big" the character, but 'big' the adjective. At any rate, one thing is for sure. I may date. I may even date one of these women. But I'll never stick my neck out as far as I once did. I'll never expose myself like that again.
One night after a particularly wonderful evening, Trace and I were outside her apartment. I had just driven her home after some sort of date, and we were saying our goodbyes. Being analytical by nature, I calculated the costs of exposing my soft white underbelly. I decided that even if it cost me everything, I needed to express my feelings. With every ounce of courage I had I said, "I don't want to complicate things, but I'm going to kiss you now."
Having said all that, I'd rather backspace over it, but I wrote it - so I must have thought it. Thems the rules, ya' know? Will I ever "stick my neck out" that far again? I dunno. Not right now anyway.
We had our labwide holiday party. I got there late and a large horde of scientists had already desended on the cheese and cracker display. Honestly, they looked like vultures. It really helps that many of these extremely educated, anti-social PhDs have their necks coming out of the chest cavity. Sorry.
I grabbed what food I thought I could and still pull back a limb and looked for a seat among "those like me". It's a comfort zone thing. I found the table that was filling up with people from my department and took the next available seat in the array.
I happened to look up, and who did I see? Yup, two of the women who, for one reason or another, I was/am supposed to ask out on dates. That completed the links. So, apparently they all know each other. Being the female of the species, I can't imagine that they don't talk. You know what I'm saying.
So, that basically kills any chances of me asking any of them out. Why? I'd feel like a science experiment being observed by a panel of these three. It's tough enough without having the additional pressure of knowing that they'll all get together and talk about every little thing to the smallest detail.
It's kinda like "Big" in Sex And The City. Not that I'm anything like Big, but if I went out with any of these girls, we (Big and I) would have the commonality of a small circle of "girlfriends" who would be discussing every detail of our relationship. I'm not very comfortable with that.
O.K. so maybe I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion, and that would never happen. I guess I'm too risk adverse to date someone who is friends with people I was "supposed" to date. I'd feel like I was cheating on the others.
Is that big of me? Not "Big" the character, but 'big' the adjective. At any rate, one thing is for sure. I may date. I may even date one of these women. But I'll never stick my neck out as far as I once did. I'll never expose myself like that again.
One night after a particularly wonderful evening, Trace and I were outside her apartment. I had just driven her home after some sort of date, and we were saying our goodbyes. Being analytical by nature, I calculated the costs of exposing my soft white underbelly. I decided that even if it cost me everything, I needed to express my feelings. With every ounce of courage I had I said, "I don't want to complicate things, but I'm going to kiss you now."
Having said all that, I'd rather backspace over it, but I wrote it - so I must have thought it. Thems the rules, ya' know? Will I ever "stick my neck out" that far again? I dunno. Not right now anyway.
