Thursday, August 31, 2006
And away we go...
So, here's the online dating profile that they didn't accept...
About Me:
This is the original Johnny!, not a reproduction -
Accept NO substitutes. Johnny has fully articulated
joints and can stand on his own*. He requires only 1880 C
per day and can generate almost 35 watts of brain power at
peak hours when supplemented with coffee. Johnny
enjoys a hard day of work and a hard day of play. The 6'0"
175 lb Johnny is tough enough for everyday use and costs
thousands less than other models. At 39 years new, he
should have many more years of service left in him, but
Johnny is a one of a kind model. He is therefore offered on
an "as-is" basis. Minor surface scratches are hardly
noticable, but some hair loss is evidenced on his head from
normal wear. Also, the right knee was replaced with one
from a very similar model. This in no way affects his
ability to dance or walk around Disneyland. Impress your
friends when you walk into a party with your
very own Johnny taking your arm. Your friends will marvel
when they see him open doors for you and take your coat.
This model also tells funny stories and listens somewhat
attentively.
NOTE: *Johnny's ability to stand on his
own is sometimes affected by atmospheric conditions.
Johnny is a highly effective remedy for bordom, but
should not be taken without professional consultation.
In studies, side effects were generally mild, but may
include puzzlement, feelings of amusement and giggle
attacks. Symptoms were not severe enough to discontinue use.
No user servicable parts inside. Attempting to access
attention by forcefully concentrating and inhailing
Johnny can be dangerous and will void the warranty.
Seeking:
Someone who's bilaterally symmetric. Articulated in both
motion and speech. It would help if she didn't have a
lengthy police record.
About Me:
This is the original Johnny!, not a reproduction -
Accept NO substitutes. Johnny has fully articulated
joints and can stand on his own*. He requires only 1880 C
per day and can generate almost 35 watts of brain power at
peak hours when supplemented with coffee. Johnny
enjoys a hard day of work and a hard day of play. The 6'0"
175 lb Johnny is tough enough for everyday use and costs
thousands less than other models. At 39 years new, he
should have many more years of service left in him, but
Johnny is a one of a kind model. He is therefore offered on
an "as-is" basis. Minor surface scratches are hardly
noticable, but some hair loss is evidenced on his head from
normal wear. Also, the right knee was replaced with one
from a very similar model. This in no way affects his
ability to dance or walk around Disneyland. Impress your
friends when you walk into a party with your
very own Johnny taking your arm. Your friends will marvel
when they see him open doors for you and take your coat.
This model also tells funny stories and listens somewhat
attentively.
NOTE: *Johnny's ability to stand on his
own is sometimes affected by atmospheric conditions.
Johnny is a highly effective remedy for bordom, but
should not be taken without professional consultation.
In studies, side effects were generally mild, but may
include puzzlement, feelings of amusement and giggle
attacks. Symptoms were not severe enough to discontinue use.
No user servicable parts inside. Attempting to access
attention by forcefully concentrating and inhailing
Johnny can be dangerous and will void the warranty.
Seeking:
Someone who's bilaterally symmetric. Articulated in both
motion and speech. It would help if she didn't have a
lengthy police record.
