Friday, June 01, 2007
The Yard Sale - Act 1
SEINFELD
SEASON 9
EPISODE 1
"THE YARD SALE"
SCENE 1: Interior Jerry's apartment. Jerry is in the kitchen after just arriving home. He is rummaging through his mail when the doorbell rings. Jerry swings open the door without looking while keeping his attention on the mail.
Enter George.
JERRY: Oh, hey George.
GEORGE: Hi Jerry. What's up? [George glances at Jerry's mail]
JERRY thumbing through mail: Nothing much. Hey! I just got my last 1099 form! [Jerry smiles and seems childishly excited as he heads towards the desk area of the apartment with the form in hand to the dismissal of all other mail]. They certainly take their time getting these things to you. I had to ask for this twice, and I thought I would need to file for an extension.
GEORGE looking pale: Oh yeah, um tax day. Is it that time again?
JERRY: Same Bat time. Why? Your not done yet?
Jerry pulls out a very large accordian file with brilliantly colored tabs and labels and is nearly full. It is a model of neatness though - nothing is overstuffed, but it's very imposing.
GEORGE: Well, I owe taxes this year, so I wait until the very last minute to file.
JERRY with a sense of accomplishment finds the exact location for the 1099 form: Well, you don't have to wait until the very last minute to prepare it.
GEORGE sheepishly moving toward frustration: Well, it's not like I have a lot of experience in this sort of thing. I just feel a lot of pressure, you know?
Jerry crosses to the kitchen and opens fridge.
JERRY: Well, just do what you did last year.
Jerry opens a soda.
JERRY questioning: What *did* you do last year?
GEORGE guilt ridden: Oh yeah, last year.
JERRY almost laughing: You didn't file last year either? How do you get away with that?
Door knock.
GEORGE feeling very pressured now: I DON'T KNOW! I JUST PANICKED! I OWED LAST YEAR TOO!
GEORGE sinks into himself and mumbles: Where am I going to get money from?
JERRY: Some people use jobs. I'm not sure what unemployed people who still have W-2s do.
Jerry opens the door slightly and Kramer takes the door the rest of the way - dramatically. Kramer walks in with a coin collection in book format.
KRAMER excited: HEY! Look what I found!
JERRY looking over his soda: What da ya got there?
KRAMER: It's a coin collection, Jerry! Look! [Kramer opens the book with a "what do you think about that" look] Susan B. Anthonys. You know they don't make these anymore.
JERRY: Neat. Where did you find those?
KRAMER: At a yard sale. The poor fool who gave them away didn't see their true value. Some day these will be worth a mint.
JERRY smiling: Yeah, well, how much 'true value' do these babies have?
KRAMER proud and oogling coins: I picked them up for fifty bucks. I got 25 of these rare beauties. Look at the quality here, Jerry. Not a scratch.
Kramer holds the open book close for Jerry and taps the soda Jerry is holding.
KRAMER alerted/excited: HEY! be careful! I don't want anything to degrade these specimens.
GEORGE lively and talking with both arms extended : That's it! A yard sale. Jerry, that's it a yard sale - a yard sale.
George claps his opened hands and seems smug with the knowledge of how to solve his problem.
JERRY skeptical: A yard sale? How much do you owe exactly?
GEORGE not so excited anymore: Exactly? Well, ummm.
JERRY as if his patience is worn at the interrogation: Approximately?
GEORGE sinking back into himself: About [pause] approximately [pause] twenty thousand dollars.
JERRY mocking and nodding: That's some yard sale [finishes soda]. Here, recycle this.
Jerry hands the empty bottle/can to George who takes it.
KRAMER to George: You know George, you can make a lot of money at these yard sales.
JERRY nodding: Yeah, you can sell a dollar for two dollars at some.
KRAMER puts on his scheming 'get rich quick' persona to George: So, what do you have that you can sell, hmmm?
Kramer claps hands together and rubs them.
GEORGE: I don't know. I have a couple of storage units with stuff.
JERRY: A couple? What do you keep in there? Bodies?
GEORGE: I don't know - stuff. I don't like to get rid of anything in case I need it later. You've seen my wallet.
JERRY: Ahhhhh, the wallet.
KRAMER: Great buddy. So, when's the big day?
GEORGE struggling for answers: Umm, I don't know. I can't have it at my parents place. We're only allowed to have yard sales on April 21st.
JERRY: Earth Day?
GEORGE whinning: I don't know. I don't make the rules. I'm just a victim of them. Jerry, can I use the front of your building? You get a lot of people walking by. Can I?
JERRY wincing: I don't know. I don't even know what the rules are here about stuff like that.
KRAMER: Perfect! Jerry's place. This weekend!
JERRY: Alright, you can use the sidewalk, but you're in front of Kramer's building. Not mine.
KRAMER: Great! Hey George, I might have some stuff to sell too.
JERRY: You know - I might have something also.
GEORGE to Jerry: Really? What?
JERRY: My parents gave me this dining room set a few years ago they got from their neighbors estate sale.
GEORGE: But you have a dining room set.
JERRY: I know, they apparently thought I needed another.
GEORGE: I'm going to get started right now. Jerry, can I borrow your car?
JERRY passing keys to George: Sure.
George exits.
KRAMER to Jerry as Kramer exits: Alright, buddy. We'll see you. I've got to dismantle my hot tub.
JERRY: Hot tub?
KRAMER: Yeah, I'm done with it. Hey, do you know if I can return Jell-O without a receipt?
JERRY: Ewwww.
KRAMER: Ah, never mind. I'll just sell them at the yard sale. Alright take care.
Kramer exits.
Pacca Pacca music.
SEASON 9
EPISODE 1
"THE YARD SALE"
SCENE 1: Interior Jerry's apartment. Jerry is in the kitchen after just arriving home. He is rummaging through his mail when the doorbell rings. Jerry swings open the door without looking while keeping his attention on the mail.
Enter George.
JERRY: Oh, hey George.
GEORGE: Hi Jerry. What's up? [George glances at Jerry's mail]
JERRY thumbing through mail: Nothing much. Hey! I just got my last 1099 form! [Jerry smiles and seems childishly excited as he heads towards the desk area of the apartment with the form in hand to the dismissal of all other mail]. They certainly take their time getting these things to you. I had to ask for this twice, and I thought I would need to file for an extension.
GEORGE looking pale: Oh yeah, um tax day. Is it that time again?
JERRY: Same Bat time. Why? Your not done yet?
Jerry pulls out a very large accordian file with brilliantly colored tabs and labels and is nearly full. It is a model of neatness though - nothing is overstuffed, but it's very imposing.
GEORGE: Well, I owe taxes this year, so I wait until the very last minute to file.
JERRY with a sense of accomplishment finds the exact location for the 1099 form: Well, you don't have to wait until the very last minute to prepare it.
GEORGE sheepishly moving toward frustration: Well, it's not like I have a lot of experience in this sort of thing. I just feel a lot of pressure, you know?
Jerry crosses to the kitchen and opens fridge.
JERRY: Well, just do what you did last year.
Jerry opens a soda.
JERRY questioning: What *did* you do last year?
GEORGE guilt ridden: Oh yeah, last year.
JERRY almost laughing: You didn't file last year either? How do you get away with that?
Door knock.
GEORGE feeling very pressured now: I DON'T KNOW! I JUST PANICKED! I OWED LAST YEAR TOO!
GEORGE sinks into himself and mumbles: Where am I going to get money from?
JERRY: Some people use jobs. I'm not sure what unemployed people who still have W-2s do.
Jerry opens the door slightly and Kramer takes the door the rest of the way - dramatically. Kramer walks in with a coin collection in book format.
KRAMER excited: HEY! Look what I found!
JERRY looking over his soda: What da ya got there?
KRAMER: It's a coin collection, Jerry! Look! [Kramer opens the book with a "what do you think about that" look] Susan B. Anthonys. You know they don't make these anymore.
JERRY: Neat. Where did you find those?
KRAMER: At a yard sale. The poor fool who gave them away didn't see their true value. Some day these will be worth a mint.
JERRY smiling: Yeah, well, how much 'true value' do these babies have?
KRAMER proud and oogling coins: I picked them up for fifty bucks. I got 25 of these rare beauties. Look at the quality here, Jerry. Not a scratch.
Kramer holds the open book close for Jerry and taps the soda Jerry is holding.
KRAMER alerted/excited: HEY! be careful! I don't want anything to degrade these specimens.
GEORGE lively and talking with both arms extended : That's it! A yard sale. Jerry, that's it a yard sale - a yard sale.
George claps his opened hands and seems smug with the knowledge of how to solve his problem.
JERRY skeptical: A yard sale? How much do you owe exactly?
GEORGE not so excited anymore: Exactly? Well, ummm.
JERRY as if his patience is worn at the interrogation: Approximately?
GEORGE sinking back into himself: About [pause] approximately [pause] twenty thousand dollars.
JERRY mocking and nodding: That's some yard sale [finishes soda]. Here, recycle this.
Jerry hands the empty bottle/can to George who takes it.
KRAMER to George: You know George, you can make a lot of money at these yard sales.
JERRY nodding: Yeah, you can sell a dollar for two dollars at some.
KRAMER puts on his scheming 'get rich quick' persona to George: So, what do you have that you can sell, hmmm?
Kramer claps hands together and rubs them.
GEORGE: I don't know. I have a couple of storage units with stuff.
JERRY: A couple? What do you keep in there? Bodies?
GEORGE: I don't know - stuff. I don't like to get rid of anything in case I need it later. You've seen my wallet.
JERRY: Ahhhhh, the wallet.
KRAMER: Great buddy. So, when's the big day?
GEORGE struggling for answers: Umm, I don't know. I can't have it at my parents place. We're only allowed to have yard sales on April 21st.
JERRY: Earth Day?
GEORGE whinning: I don't know. I don't make the rules. I'm just a victim of them. Jerry, can I use the front of your building? You get a lot of people walking by. Can I?
JERRY wincing: I don't know. I don't even know what the rules are here about stuff like that.
KRAMER: Perfect! Jerry's place. This weekend!
JERRY: Alright, you can use the sidewalk, but you're in front of Kramer's building. Not mine.
KRAMER: Great! Hey George, I might have some stuff to sell too.
JERRY: You know - I might have something also.
GEORGE to Jerry: Really? What?
JERRY: My parents gave me this dining room set a few years ago they got from their neighbors estate sale.
GEORGE: But you have a dining room set.
JERRY: I know, they apparently thought I needed another.
GEORGE: I'm going to get started right now. Jerry, can I borrow your car?
JERRY passing keys to George: Sure.
George exits.
KRAMER to Jerry as Kramer exits: Alright, buddy. We'll see you. I've got to dismantle my hot tub.
JERRY: Hot tub?
KRAMER: Yeah, I'm done with it. Hey, do you know if I can return Jell-O without a receipt?
JERRY: Ewwww.
KRAMER: Ah, never mind. I'll just sell them at the yard sale. Alright take care.
Kramer exits.
Pacca Pacca music.
