Plan "B"

You often talk about your unusaul lack of sleep or interupted sleep. FYI, That is very usual for myself and many others, I'm sure. My whole life I have rarely(or never) slept more than two hours without waking up. Often I then remain awake for some time. Anyone else?
 

You often talk about your unusaul lack of sleep or interupted sleep. FYI, That is very usual for myself and many others, I'm sure. My whole life I have rarely(or never) slept more than two hours without waking up. Often I then remain awake for some time. Anyone else?
 

You often talk about your unusaul lack of sleep or interupted sleep. FYI, That is very usual for myself and many others, I'm sure. My whole life I have rarely(or never) slept more than two hours without waking up. Often I then remain awake for some time. Anyone else?
 

You could read this whole comment if you wish, but in a nutshell - it's because of a woman.

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That's an interesting point that I haven't thought of. Perhaps now, I'm normal. Perhaps now, I've joined the rest of the world, but I'd gone 40 years with 7-9 hours of uninterupted sleep each night before this. For me, waking up before it's time and not being able to immediately go back to sleep has been troubling because it's not normal for me.

At a deeper level (and that's what blogging is all about), it's not just the interuption to sleep that has been bugging me. It's the thoughts that wake me up in the middle of the night. It's just Satan having his way with my thoughts. I dream that we're still married and we're picking out tile, or shopping or just walking around the neighborhood. Then, I wake up and feel like I've been dreaming that I was married to another man's wife. Which I have.

Then, while I'm groggy, Satan tries to drive a wedge into my spirit. He'll do anything to make me think things, so I pray until I can get to sleep again. To dream?

God doesn't promise us safety from betrayal or hurt or lies or anything, but instead we should count it all joy. COUNT IT ALL JOY! I struggled with that passage for a long time, but I finally understand that it's during these trials that I'm able to run to God. I count it a joy that I'm able to sit at His feet and cry my heart out. So here I am God, at your feet asking for peace in lack of understanding - in want for answers that will never come.

I don't dream these dreams every night, but when I do wake up, I'm greeted by those thoughts without fail. Thoughts of guilt (from me) go hand in hand with thoughts of disbelief (from her).

So, that's just going to be life for a while until I can put more time behind me. I hate, HATE! knowing that there's no way to fix what we've broken, but there isn't. That's where I need to bring that broken thing to God, and I thought I had - which is what sparked the whole thing in March. With purest of motives, honesty of heart, and a humbleness of spirit I thought I was doing the right thing, but God had something else in mind. I had read from the Bible exactly what I needed to do, and I made the attempt, but God had something else in mind.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I think you get the feeling of what I'm trying to say.