Monday, September 29, 2008
Eeking for more room
I'm completely constrained by the amount of space I can use to put my feelings out there in the confines of FaceBook. So, I'm back to my blog.
I just read something that's going to give me thought for the rest of the day. "If nothing changes, nothing changes." Perhaps it's my mood or my mindset right now, but it's sooo true. But there's a higher truth. That is, the last thing I really heard from God about His will for my life; "Be still, and know that I am God."
It's a restless feeling. One of testing patience and eager awaiting. The two feelings of needing to move and being asked to stand still creates a friction in my heart. As the song says though, "If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it. Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?"
In the meanwhile, I'm discovering layers within myself. But more complex than just layers of an onion - they're more like notches in the mechanism of a safe. Each disk has a single notch - the "God notch" if you will, and each notch needs to be aligned perfectly toward God to be opened. I can resist the turning of my dial as much as I please. I can use my own strength to align my notches perfectly against the wrong zero. I can let dials drift over time, and I can miss His alignment altogether under my own strength. And even the slightest wrong number is enough to keep any safe locked tightly. This sort of perfection requires one thing and one thing only; the willingness to let the dial be spun by Him who knows the combination. It's really the only way. It's this submission that I have problems with though. It's the attitude that I know more about the plan for my life than God does!
Oh, I don't express that outwardly or even think that's what I'm doing, but when we resist the Word, we resist God's general will for our lives. That's somewhere I'm not content being. When we resist God's specific will for our lives, we're turning our own dial - and we have no idea what the combination is.
Just writing that made me feel better. I've been worrying that God has been wanting me to do something, but I've been resisting (or I haven't been listening). I've been trying under my own strength. Christianity encompasses many facets that seem contradictory. To be a leader, you need to follow. To gain everything, you have to give everything away. To win, you have to give up.
I haven't been willfully keeping anything from God. I haven't been saying, "God, you can have everything except this part of my life." I put all that on the alter a long time ago. But it's good for me to remind myself that I can't be in the driver's seat. If I don't like where I think I'm going, I just need to know that He knows the way. Someone told me once, "When you can't trace His hand, you can trust His heart." I know that God has something for me. I know that He knows what He wants me to do, and when He's ready, He'll let me know (audibly, I hope).
I don't know where that path leads; either in missions, or ministry (within the limits of His law obviously), or in marriage. I know what *I* want, and I don't find any prohibition against what I want in His Word, but I don't want anything that's merely permissible or allowed by God. I want His will.
I surrender.
I just read something that's going to give me thought for the rest of the day. "If nothing changes, nothing changes." Perhaps it's my mood or my mindset right now, but it's sooo true. But there's a higher truth. That is, the last thing I really heard from God about His will for my life; "Be still, and know that I am God."
It's a restless feeling. One of testing patience and eager awaiting. The two feelings of needing to move and being asked to stand still creates a friction in my heart. As the song says though, "If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it. Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?"
In the meanwhile, I'm discovering layers within myself. But more complex than just layers of an onion - they're more like notches in the mechanism of a safe. Each disk has a single notch - the "God notch" if you will, and each notch needs to be aligned perfectly toward God to be opened. I can resist the turning of my dial as much as I please. I can use my own strength to align my notches perfectly against the wrong zero. I can let dials drift over time, and I can miss His alignment altogether under my own strength. And even the slightest wrong number is enough to keep any safe locked tightly. This sort of perfection requires one thing and one thing only; the willingness to let the dial be spun by Him who knows the combination. It's really the only way. It's this submission that I have problems with though. It's the attitude that I know more about the plan for my life than God does!
Oh, I don't express that outwardly or even think that's what I'm doing, but when we resist the Word, we resist God's general will for our lives. That's somewhere I'm not content being. When we resist God's specific will for our lives, we're turning our own dial - and we have no idea what the combination is.
Just writing that made me feel better. I've been worrying that God has been wanting me to do something, but I've been resisting (or I haven't been listening). I've been trying under my own strength. Christianity encompasses many facets that seem contradictory. To be a leader, you need to follow. To gain everything, you have to give everything away. To win, you have to give up.
I haven't been willfully keeping anything from God. I haven't been saying, "God, you can have everything except this part of my life." I put all that on the alter a long time ago. But it's good for me to remind myself that I can't be in the driver's seat. If I don't like where I think I'm going, I just need to know that He knows the way. Someone told me once, "When you can't trace His hand, you can trust His heart." I know that God has something for me. I know that He knows what He wants me to do, and when He's ready, He'll let me know (audibly, I hope).
I don't know where that path leads; either in missions, or ministry (within the limits of His law obviously), or in marriage. I know what *I* want, and I don't find any prohibition against what I want in His Word, but I don't want anything that's merely permissible or allowed by God. I want His will.
I surrender.
