Monday, December 29, 2008
Divorce
I'll start by disclosing that I've been divorced longer than I was married. That's odd when I think about it, but I just thought I'd throw that out there to begin with.
Last night, Pastor mentioned something about divorce. His innocence of the subject was encouraging because it showed that he doesn't have to deal with that ugly thing very often.
For those who have never gone through divorce, I'd like to take a moment and eliminate this notion from ever entering your mind. Getting a divorce is easier than adopting a puppy. It's about as difficult as getting a fishing license. One person in the marriage requests a form from the city hall, fills it out and pays less than $200 in filing fees to the county clerk. Just now, my stomach has turned and I'm feeling a bit sick. Here's the most sterile portrayal of my divorce.
That's what it looks like on paper. Here's what it feels like after 6 years. After a few years of friendly conversation back and forth and a significant amount of self evaluation, I found in the Bible that the best thing for us was to reconcile. I certainly had my share of apologizing to do, and I came to the realization that she did as well. I prayed about it, and the more I prayed and the more I read my Bible, the more I understood that this little voice inside my head was telling me to take the big humility pill and do the right thing.
I had enough courage in me to build a bridge, cross it, and do whatever God needed for me to do in order to be back in His will. After all, God hates divorce, right? And according to the Bible (Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11, 1 Cor 7:11, and others), remarriage is against God's will - a sin - under certain circumstances (Deut 24:4), it's an abomination! I don't know how else you can read those verses and think otherwise - for the divorcer anyway. Arguments?
So, God's will for her (the divorcer) was either to remain unmarried or reconcile. Perhaps I was being optimistic, but I at least needed to offer the olive branch of reconciliation. At least we had options. At least there was something good we could do in order to fix what we'd broken. At least there was hope.
Enter: her remarriage. Now, read those verses above again.
(Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11, 1 Cor 7:11, and others)
Now, there's no way I can undo what I've done. There's no options left in that relationship. There's no --- hope. There's only weeping and gnashing of teeth every night for months. (I hate reliving this).
There is another place I know of mentioned in the Bible where there is no hope; There's another place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, and my failed marriage is that place. I understand what it's like not to have hope, but I also understand some much more significant - and lasting - even comforting.
When I call out to God, and apologize for all the opportunities for doing right that I had which I did not take; when I seek forgiveness for all the times I selfishly fell short of His will; when I humble myself and earnest seek His face and His will, I see Him.
I see him hanging on a tree. Nails in His hands and feet. Blood dripping down His forehead. Pain crossing His holy face, but with a loving expression and outstretched arms He responds, "Apology accepted."
That, my friend, is Love that I cannot express any other way, and that is the Love I feel with my Comforter. In today's vernacular, God looks down on all my mistakes and applies the blood of His Son and announces, "Do over". But that's not the end of the story. "Do over" doesn't mean you get to change the rules. No sir, Plan "B" does not mean that I can tear pages out of my Bible. It means that I have another chance to submit myself to His presence and His perfect will - whatever that will might be.
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if God will ever replace my stone. I pray that He will, but I know - and He knows - that it won't be the reaction to a warm fuzzy feeling and a few trite Bible verses about the bliss of marriage. I don't want His permission. I don't want His allowance. I don't want anything short of His will. I pray as fervently and as righteously as I know how, but nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.
That's the part of Christianity that means submitting yourself to completely to God. Of giving yourself to God for whatever purposes He sees fit. If He calls me to Africa, I'll go. If He calls me to drive a bus, I'll drive. If He calls me to give, I'll give. Right now, He's called me to "be still" and know that He is God.
Last night, Pastor mentioned something about divorce. His innocence of the subject was encouraging because it showed that he doesn't have to deal with that ugly thing very often.
For those who have never gone through divorce, I'd like to take a moment and eliminate this notion from ever entering your mind. Getting a divorce is easier than adopting a puppy. It's about as difficult as getting a fishing license. One person in the marriage requests a form from the city hall, fills it out and pays less than $200 in filing fees to the county clerk. Just now, my stomach has turned and I'm feeling a bit sick. Here's the most sterile portrayal of my divorce.
Case No. 2195438402
In the Matter of the Marriage of TRACY LYNN COLINO Vs. JOHN EDWARD COLINO
12/10/2002 PETITION FOR DIVORCE
12/11/2002 WAIVER OF CITATION
02/17/2003 FINAL DECREE OF DIVORCE SIGNED
02/17/2003 PROVE UP (TCOLINO/PRO SE)
02/19/2003 SENT CERTIFIED COPY OF DECREE TO JOHN
Cost: $177 Receipt #024109500002
That's what it looks like on paper. Here's what it feels like after 6 years. After a few years of friendly conversation back and forth and a significant amount of self evaluation, I found in the Bible that the best thing for us was to reconcile. I certainly had my share of apologizing to do, and I came to the realization that she did as well. I prayed about it, and the more I prayed and the more I read my Bible, the more I understood that this little voice inside my head was telling me to take the big humility pill and do the right thing.
I had enough courage in me to build a bridge, cross it, and do whatever God needed for me to do in order to be back in His will. After all, God hates divorce, right? And according to the Bible (Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11, 1 Cor 7:11, and others), remarriage is against God's will - a sin - under certain circumstances (Deut 24:4), it's an abomination! I don't know how else you can read those verses and think otherwise - for the divorcer anyway. Arguments?
So, God's will for her (the divorcer) was either to remain unmarried or reconcile. Perhaps I was being optimistic, but I at least needed to offer the olive branch of reconciliation. At least we had options. At least there was something good we could do in order to fix what we'd broken. At least there was hope.
Enter: her remarriage. Now, read those verses above again.
(Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11, 1 Cor 7:11, and others)
Now, there's no way I can undo what I've done. There's no options left in that relationship. There's no --- hope. There's only weeping and gnashing of teeth every night for months. (I hate reliving this).
There is another place I know of mentioned in the Bible where there is no hope; There's another place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, and my failed marriage is that place. I understand what it's like not to have hope, but I also understand some much more significant - and lasting - even comforting.
When I call out to God, and apologize for all the opportunities for doing right that I had which I did not take; when I seek forgiveness for all the times I selfishly fell short of His will; when I humble myself and earnest seek His face and His will, I see Him.
I see him hanging on a tree. Nails in His hands and feet. Blood dripping down His forehead. Pain crossing His holy face, but with a loving expression and outstretched arms He responds, "Apology accepted."
That, my friend, is Love that I cannot express any other way, and that is the Love I feel with my Comforter. In today's vernacular, God looks down on all my mistakes and applies the blood of His Son and announces, "Do over". But that's not the end of the story. "Do over" doesn't mean you get to change the rules. No sir, Plan "B" does not mean that I can tear pages out of my Bible. It means that I have another chance to submit myself to His presence and His perfect will - whatever that will might be.
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if God will ever replace my stone. I pray that He will, but I know - and He knows - that it won't be the reaction to a warm fuzzy feeling and a few trite Bible verses about the bliss of marriage. I don't want His permission. I don't want His allowance. I don't want anything short of His will. I pray as fervently and as righteously as I know how, but nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.
That's the part of Christianity that means submitting yourself to completely to God. Of giving yourself to God for whatever purposes He sees fit. If He calls me to Africa, I'll go. If He calls me to drive a bus, I'll drive. If He calls me to give, I'll give. Right now, He's called me to "be still" and know that He is God.
Labels: beliefs, christianity, church, faith, what i believe
