Plan "B"

So, with my new diet, I've been eating more bananas and oranges than I know what to do with. I mean I like oranges and bananas, but I'm doing about 6 a day all together. Well, I'm supposed to anyway. Right now, it's 2:15 in the afternoon and I've only had 2 bananas and one orange - which by the way I peeled with my very own fingernails.

I'd always been a nailbiter. 38 years of biting nails, and pretty soon you don't even know what it's like to have them. When they started coming in they were pretty weak, so it took a while for them to get strong enough to peel an orange. But here I am, sitting in my office, drinking bottled water, eating an orange.

It's almost normal. I can remember regularly biting 'til my finger tips bled. Not like I'd eat my fingers, but the skin on the edges of the nail would get riped off and - ewww - I'm getting dizzy.

Anywho, it's nice having nails for the first time. I can open soda cans, peel labels off stuff, and undo knots.

Last week, I was driving to work and toggling between that last three radio stations I can stand. They were the typical morning show radio programs - a star, a sidekick, skits and chit-chat.

Then, they started talking about American Idol and how they can't believe so-and-so got kicked off or so-and-so is still in the running. Not possessing whatever would be necessary to watch American Idol, I flipped the bit to the next station.

Wouldn't you know it? They were talking about it too. So, I flipped again - this time to my Christian station - Zoinks! They were talking about it too. I guess something significant in the universe of that show occured and it was all a buzz. I flipped to tape (which is probably how I'll need to live my life someday) and was comforted by 1980's music transferred to tape in the 1980's. You can't get more retro than that.

So this weekend, I had three separate graduation parties to go to. I showed up for the first one a bit late, but there they were - talking about American Idol, Fear Factor and all those other shows. Now, to be completely transparent, I've need seen an episode of American Idol. I don't think I've ever seen more than 5 minutes of Fear Factor, and I've never thought of tuning into that wife swapping thing.

Alright - great lunch - good time with friends - it's time for the next party. So, I packed up and drove up the peninsula to the next party. Gee Whiz, what was the topic of conversation? Yep, American Idol. I mean, c'mon! There's a big bright glowing thing in the sky and it wants you to play under it.

So, I didn't have very high hopes for the third party, which was yesterday after church. I showed up and they handed me a jello shot, a margarita and a beer. Apparently, I had some catching up to do. In very short order, I was singing Karaoke - Margaritaville. 10:30 rolled around before I knew it, and I went home happy.

No mention of American Idol at the last party - those would be my techie friends. If they *do* watch it, they wouldn't admit it at a party.

J: "So, now we're going to work your triceps."
Me: "Where are my triceps?"
J: "Those are the muscles that are going to hurt in a few minutes."

I don't feel as sore as I thought I would today. J's got me on "L-glutamine". It's supposed to help with muscle healing - not sure about it making pain go away. Anywho, as sore as I am, I thought I'd be more sore - like can't walk or sit sore.

In an hour, he's going to work my legs for an hour. Maybe then I'll have problems walking.

The web says I should give it three weeks before I start seeing results. That puts me just before WP. I'm not expecting my 6-pack but I hope to be rid of the keg.

Before and after pictures? Dunno yet.

Well, my worst fears have come true. I'm officially fat. I had to see it coming though. I mean you can't eat the way I do and not expect something to fall off the charts. I always thought it would be my cholesteral, but that's always been fine. I've been watching my cholesteral for a few years now. Not watching it as in paying attention to what I eat, but watching it as in getting it checked every year when those nice people come to work for a free physical.

My trainer had me jumping around and squatting and stretching, but not for exercise. He needed a baseline to measure me from. Then, he weighed and measured; poked and proded; he even pinched to get my percentage of body fat. Basically, here's the rundown.

less than 11% body fat is too lean
15 - 18% is normal
above 21% is unhealthy, and the next column is "obese". So, where does my 175 pounds of 6'0" fit? Well, yesterday it fit slightly above 23%. So, yup - I'm an unhealthy fat person. J says that I'm a "skinny fat person".

I really didn't like the way any of this was turning out. I started to pay more attention to what he was saying. I started becoming aware of my dieting habits (i.e. a donut every morning can't be a good thing, eh?). Most of all, I started wearing the label "fat".

I'm not wearing this like a badge (or an overcoat) of shame or getting depressed about it or anything. If anything - I'm feeling challenged now. Like I came into the gym with an idea of what I wanted to get out of it. Now, I have a firm goal. I say, "bring on the pain!" I can't wait until my workout Wednesday.

But tonight I'm having dinner at Tied House. Do 12 ounce curls count?

I just finished watching "Super Size Me". You may think that this movie doesn't have much to do with me. I mean, I'm relatively thin and in pretty good shape. To be completely transparent, I'm 6'0" tall and I probably weigh in the neighborhood of 170 pounds. I'm not exactly sure because I've never owned a scale. I'll try to weigh myself tomorrow when I have my first appointment with "Jerry" my trainer. I have him for 10 sessions, and CHA-CHING! this is going to cost me. Oh, sorry - back to the movie.

One theme that is reoccuring in the film that I have to confront is soda. The funny thing is that I was drinking a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi while watching it. I got about 1/2 through and decided that I needed to hit the fridge and get some bottled water. I also recently bought a small quantity of bottled water (which will most likely throw my body into water shock) and a Pur filter for the faucet.

So, tomorrow evening, I start. I get all the measurements. A metabolism test (I'm really curious about that). My diet plan (I'm really nervous about this). My first personally monitored workout session. I know I'll be sore tomorrow night, so I'm cleaning the house tonight.

Hmmmm, "the house". Like I'm a real homeowner. Wierd. Well, not really. The bank owns the condo and the association owns the land.



I couldn't decide on an image to end this with, so I'm using the three runner ups...

I went to the gym today. I bought a membership for 50 bucks a month. Then, there's an $80 processing fee. A this fee - a that fee - a red and yellow basket fee. I also got a trainer (cha ching!). But it doesn't stop there. I told him that I want to build muscle, and he said that I'll probably have to eat about 3 times what I'm eating now. Cha ching! I have no workout clothes, so I'm going to Goodwill after church tomorrow (no cha ching).

I can see that getting my 34 inch waist back down to 32 (or at least getting rid of my cruise-pudge) is going to end up costing about $2K. Yikers!

My new trainer says that I can probably gain 10 pounds in 2 1/2 months. Yes, I said, "gain" and not "loose". As opposed to many of those around me, I'm cursed with a very high metabolism and low blood pressure. It's hard for me to gain weight, and not eating 3 squares a day isn't helping. 2 1/2 months will be too late for Whispering Pines to show off my 6 pack, but that's not really what it's for.

I really want to get in shape - and have 6 pack abs - and have more weight on my shoulders - and have bigger arms - and strengthen my back - and all of that - but not just for my own good. I'm giving myself 5 months to do all that so I'll be in shape for the cruise. Hopefully after that, I'll stay in shape. We'll see. Right now though, I'm being completely short-sighted with my "train for the cruise" attitude.

I took "before" measurements of my chest, arms, legs and stomach (widest and narrowest). I'm looking forward to seeing the ratio between chest and stomach change. I can't imagine myself getting carried away with working out though.

So, it's not completely an ADD thing, but my phone conversation with DirecTV just went something like this:

Me: "Hi, I've moved but I can't transfer service yet because the HOA is replacing the gable where the dish will go."

DirecTV: "O.K. I can suspend your service. Do you know your account number?"

Me: "Um, no. Sorry."

DirecTV: "That's alright. What's your phone number?"

Me: "Um. I don't know that either."

DirecTV: "Um, o.k.. Um, do you know your address?"

Me: "Ah, Yes! It's printed on the house."

Father's Day is coming up.

I'm at Starbucks right now working on my database server, and coming up with ideas for bumper stickers...

"Forget your honor student.
My computers listed in top500.org"

"got CPU?"

"My computer's faster than yours"

I'm planning on getting the latest list from 26 Things pretty soon. In reality, I don't know if they'll have a new list before Whispering Pines or not.

"The postings on this site are my own and don’t necessarily represent my company's positions, strategies or opinions."

ROFLOL!