Plan "B"

I was talking to an acquaintance a few weeks ago about my thoughts on remarriage, and why I don't date. "Don't you want to be happy?" seemed to be the theme of the conversation. To give the audience perspective, she's a Catholic who's been happily married for many years. We sometimes talk at length about things that matter, and sometimes the subject of our respective personal faiths comes up. She asked me a question that I didn’t have an immediate answer to, so I thought I'd take some time to reflect, study, surf the 'net and pray. What are my thoughts on me remarrying?

It's been said that marriage is the "ever after" of "once upon a time". But what if the "ever after" doesn't start with "and they lived happily..."? What instead if it ends with,"...and just like her father suggested, they got divorced after all"? And what does that mean for Christians? I found several online Bible studies on the subject, as well as some markings in my own Bible to point me around. Here's what I've found so far.

First and foremost, God intended for man to be joined to a woman (no, this isn't a gay marriage bashing entry - neither were the other ones) for life, and go forth and multiply. Nice plan, but fast forward a couple of centuries. People gave and were given in marriage, and everyone started having kittens at an alarming rate. Over time, some spouses decided that the grass was greener on the other side of the hut, and thought that they might be better off without this stranger in their bed. So, our collective hearts grew cold and hard, and God had to make a rule that if a man decided that he had enough, that he could give his wife a decree of divorce - and that was that. Sorry gals, I didn't see a mention of what to do if you have had it with the old man.

Fast forward a few more centuries, and along came this guy (who also happened to be the son of God), who started telling us that God didn't just want "face time". But that God was genuinely interested in what was in our hearts. We'd been poking around in the desert - doing the right things on the right days and saying the right things at the right times, but all along doing it with a long face. So, He stood in front of the crowd, telling them all about the real rules of marriage and divorce and adultery.

I'll start here, in Matthew 5 - The sermon on the mount.

He says, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery. [from Exodus 20:14]', but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." [Matt. 5:27-28] Show me a man who hasn't done this to some extent, and I'd suggest you check for a pulse. It's ingrained in us [speaking for all men]. On one extreme, if you've ever glanced at an attractive woman who enters a room, have you committed adultery? On the other extreme, if you've definitely had sex with a woman who is not your wife, you have committed adultery. In some cultures, women are required to hide their faces, and in some instances disfigure their outline with large smocks. No wonder, if the rules are really as strict as the first example. The area in between these two extremes is an interesting one. It deals with touchy subjects like porn and strip clubs and office parties. For the purposes of this exercise, I'll state that I've never wished to sleep with anyone other than my wife while I was married, and therefore have never committed adultery. History and further understanding of my Bible will decide if I was right in my presumption of innocence.

So, onward. "It was also said, 'Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorce,'[Deuteronomy 24:1] but I tell you that whoever puts away his wife, except for the cause of sexual immorality, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries her when she is put away commits adultery." [Matt. 5:31-32] Here, I have to take some latitude in the translation to mean that it deals with men divorcing women as well as women divorcing men - a concept that was apparently lost on the ancients. So, just like that "poof" I'm an adulterer, and if I were ever to find another woman I would consider marrying, I'd make her an adulterer too! Pretty pinch to be in, eh?

That's where I end up, and that's where I think I need to be. But it's not all doom and gloom. It's the circumstances that I've chosen for better or for worse, and I can show a willingness to accept whatever God hands me in this. In one respect, it allows me more time to fall in love with the One I should really be in love with. Perhaps someday, I'll be able to give some advise to someone who's considering divorce. Off the cuff, I'd certainly recommend counselling by a Christian counselor.

** disclaimer **
(although I don't really need to put disclaimers in my own dang blog)
These are MY feelings. Feel free to write your own. You may feel healthier afterwards. Or convicted. My blog is more about me than of anyone else. The other players are parenthetical.
** disclaimer **

Why not just keep my big mouth shut and pocket veto the whole thing if I'm that uncomfortable with it? Why rock the boat? Why stir the ocean?

Simple, it's more than mere seasickness. The boat is adrift and sinking. The passengers - unaware. The helm goes unmanned, but everyone has a good feeling about where we're going. The destiny of the USS Good Intention is clear unless someone does something. "Why should the ship run aground before it reaches its destination?", they say. "It's such a pretty ship. We have the best of intentions. We're all nice people. Surely, we'll make it to our port".

Nobody seems interested in taking a reading of our course, but who really needs a compass anyway? Some have their own feelings about what the compass says. Why should we be lost? "I know what the compass reads, I read it when I was younger." We're still heading in pretty much the same direction today as we were yesterday. To be certain, this isn't the decisive steer - this isn't some trite camel and straw analogy. But I'm growing concerned.

After much apathy to the outside, I have removed myself from the pedantic study of the ship's mast and the charts. It's time to tell the others of our situation. But what if they don't agree with my assessment of the situation? They may argue, "We will not surely die." So said the serpent. Perhaps a sea serpent in this story.

"I know the way", I'd say.

But what do I know of the way. I've torn whole pages out of the Atlas and steered away from the lightest of storms on my watch - steered far away from the home port. I've taken my own ship and run it aground more times than I can admit. And still do. So don't look to me for advise on how to steer. Look to the compass. Read your charts with both eyes, and don't look for people who you know will agree with you to ask if you're on the right course. "Yes people" say "yes".

As for me and my ship, I've found myself pining for the destination I've set out for 15 years ago. I've read about it, and I believe it is a real destination. Some can't make even that leap, and so my thoughts and words are as divisive as the joining pages of a book to them. They are perfect opposites of each other. In the classical definition of insanity, I did (wrote) something and expected completely antithetical results. I suppose I can't turn back now - that ship has sailed.

*** Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and feelings about a very sensitive subject. They may or not be your thoughts or feelings. If you find yourself becoming uncomfortable while reading this, I ask for you to respect my views as I respect yours. I'm not pushing my agenda on you, nor do I expect you to push your agenda on me. I don't tell people what they're doing is right or wrong unless they ask. This "policy of peace" has allowed me to develop some interesting and diverse relationships from the homeless to avid drug users to homosexuals. My brother is one of the latter.

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination."

Clearly, I have a lot of thinking to do. There are about a dozen or so references in the Bible to homosexuality. But there are many more passages which instruct us to live at peace with one another as much as it is possible. Then, there are just as many - or perhaps more - passages which tell me not to even speak to an unrepentant sinner. I've tried to live in peace with others around me who do not share my beliefs, and for the most part, it's worked out.

But now, the passive act of tolerance is being challenged. I've been invited to condone my brothers lifestyle by attending his wedding. I know that what I've already said is going to spark at least one phone call from family members. So be it. My blog is where I express who I am. Other peoples web sites are where they can express who they are. "Don't like the news? Go make some of your own."

I can already tell that this isn't going to be single entry subject. I'm going to have to take some inventory, research my heart, and pray. I may even use the [gasp] backspace and/or delete keys. It's going to take some time for me to develop my thoughts and feelings despite the very real risk that my invitation may already have been revoked.

To attend, or not to attend. That is the question. It's a simple one really. It's an event that is being hosted and attended by people who do not share my belief system. It happens all the time, and I never have a problem with it. But it's the purpose of this event that causes me thought. The very deepest heart of me feels that a wedding is a symbol of a most sacred bond that I hold near and dear...

... and then instantly, any argument I could ever create, any statement of facts that would serve to make any sort of case to argue this is immediately nullified. You see, I'm divorced. Just as these two men who share feelings toward each other wish to defy any Bible commandment or scripture verse against their actions (although the Bible doesn't pertain to them as they are unsaved), I have also defied God which is 94 times worse for a believer. I sat in a courtroom a few years ago, and in my silence I basically said, "Yes your honor, I think that God is a big fat liar, and I really don't want to stay joined to this woman that you have found for me."

Well, that wasn't a direction I thought this would go. My brother, who is not saved by his own admission, wishes to perform an act that I find to be wrong. On the other hand, I have already performed an act that I find to be wrong. I'm a walking contradiction of my own belief system. It's one thing to do something that you feel is right but is really wrong. It's another thing entirely to do something that you know is wrong - but do it anyway. Which of us is more wicked?

I don't suppose there's a path to reverse my decision though. ( I was going to write "even if I wanted to", but clearly, when I have my head on straight, I always wish to do what's right). The ball is squarely in the court of my ex, and I've never gotten any indication that she would ever consider reconciliation.

Your thoughts?

// to be continued //

I've sat on this entry long enough - time to just publish it and stop trying to polish my thoughts...

	Is this the face of Middle Eastern Islam? Have some Muslims of the Middle Eastern nations become the defacto moral police? Are bad people hiding behind the "religion of peace"? Is it right to kill others who do not share your beliefs? Are the actions of a few the image of the whole Muslim world? <-- Have they gone too far by killing people after seeing this depiction? It is a cartoon of their spiritual leader, Mohammed, which appeared in a Danish newspaper. The face has been whited out so as to offer peace with everyone (Romans 12:18 - no matter how wrong they are).
	Is this the face of Western Christianity? Has American imperialism gotten confused with the Christian calling? Is Christianity really as tolerant as the US would make it out to be? Are people doing horrible things "in the name of God"? Are the actions of a few the image of the whole Christian world? <-- Have we not gone far enough after seeing this depiction? It is a photo depecting a crucifix in a jar of human urine. "The Piss Christ".

To be honest, I'm still trying to get my head around some of the issues going on with this event. If you've been hiding under a rock the past few days, let me bring you up to speed. A liberal Danish newspaper held a contest for people to submit cartoons of Mohammed, the spiritual leader of the Muslim religion. Some dozen or so images were selected and printed in their newspaper. It's not yet clear as to how these images made it to the Middle East, but some Islamic people took offense to the depictions as they believe that it is wrong to create images of Mohammed. Can anyone find this in the Koran for me? The offended people decided that they should take their "religion of peace" to the streets and defend the image of their leader by torching the embassys of Denmark, killing some, wounding several others. I mean - look at the cartoon. What self respecting Muslim wouldn't get pissed at the notion of their leader in the sun - err, wearing white and red - err, pulling a donkey - err, carrying a stick.

Anywho, they got pissed and decided to kill some people over it. So, o.k. the rule for moral living seems to be:

1. It's not o.k. to draw pictures of Mohammed.

2. It's o.k. to tolerate killing.

Well, they're nothing if not proactive and vigilant when it comes to enforcing their rules. But that's just it - they're their rules. Not the Danish, or Chinese, or Martians, or ours. So, if these people, how ever many they may be, have suddenly become the "moral police", I didn't get the memo. Please advise. Then, on the other hand, what have Christians allowed to occur by being passive and indifferent?

1. It's o.k. to bathe a crucifix in urine.

2. It's o.k. to tolerate killing (see: murder, capital punishment and abortion)

So, if most people agree that killing someone over a cartoon is going to far, and doing nothing to feed the morally starved isn't going far enough, there must be a middle ground. In one case, religion has controlled the government and has defined how its society will behave. In the other case, religion is systematically being removed from the framework which was outlined 2 centuries ago by its authors (My assertion here is that the 'founding fathers' didn't forsee their wording meant protection of Neo Nazis). Here's my opinion. It is not the responsibility of the government to decide what is right and wrong. The decision will ultimately be made by individuals anyway. If someone is morally strong enough to know that killing is wrong for any reason, it won't matter if the government says it's o.k. if someone is guilty of drawing a cartoon. On the other side, if someone is morally weak enough, it won't matter if the government says it's wrong to kill if they need drug money. There a lots of other reasons to kill - I just picked this one for emphasis.

Show me in the New Testament where Jesus stood on a hill and said, "The government should do this, and the government should do that." Christianity is not a religion for governments to enforce. It's a faith for people to embrace. It's not an iron claw that punishes those who do wrong. It's the outstretched arm of unconditional love. The unfortunate thing is that most unsaved/unChristian people don't see it that way. Some see legalism. Some see hypocrites. Some see backsliders. I'm guilty on all three counts, but don't look at me for what Christ is like. Look to Christ.

Show me where Christ raised his hand in violence. I note one time with the currency exchangers in the synagogue.

Show me where Christ said, "yep, we should kill her - she's a prostitute." In fact, he taught forgiveness and not punishment.

Show me where Christ displayed restraint and composure when dealt with unfairly. I see it all over the New Testament.

Show me where Christ lived a life that you should not be living. I don't see it anywhere.

So, have I preached? Well, yes, but I think you needed to hear it.

# posted by Johnny @ 2/17/2006 01:42:00 PM 2 comments links to this post

I'm not going to say that I don't spend any time at home, but I certainly don't spend much time going through the front door - about twice per day. A bird has been squatting between the porch light and a old metal box that used to contain a burgler alarm bell. I don't usually turn on my porch light, so there was really no way to tell that some critter had taken up residence.

I had seen little poops on the porch over the last week or so, but never thought more than some bird had hung out there for a while, then flew away.

Well, two nights ago was BIG laundry day, so I ended up going back and forth a couple of times between the BIG laundry room. Flutter flutter flutter!!! - scared the heck outta me. That was it I thought. I thought I had scared it away for good, but it came back the next night. So, lacking anything in the way of a plan, I put some tin foil up to sorta block off the open area in hopes to discourage squatters (and really enhance the beauty of the exterior of the house).

I don't suppose this is a terribly funny or insightful story. I also don't think it's really worth reading at this point. It's just my life and what goes on day to day. There are really only two things that are reveled in this:

1. I'm never home and woodland creatures are starting to take over my dwelling.
2. I do my own laundry.

Mercury will be in San Francisco in May before she goes to Alaska for a few days. If I wasn't planning on being out of town that week, I'd probably drive up and say, "howdy do". More like an old friend. Less like a ghost or shadow or memory, I remember back to the absolute best week of my life. It wasn't the best week that could have been, but it was the best so far. I optimistically think that I haven't had my best week ever yet. I'm not sure what else I could add in order to make it better though.

About 4 times a year, I get one of these in my email, but I've never really liked the questions. "What's your favorite color", etc. [Yawn]. I've decided to make a questionaire with slightly more indepth questions along with some that probe who you are and a few fun ones to see how you think.

For those interested in a *really* indepth questionaire, try the purity test. This is one, but there are others - just Google "purity test". And "no", I'm not going to tell you what my score was. P.S. there's also a 100 question purity test if you don't feel like answering all 500.

Anywho, take a look at the questions below and answer them by clicking on the "Comments" link. Thanks.

*** Getting To Know You ***

0. Name:

1. Ever had a crush on a teacher?

2. What would you do with 10,000 plastic spoons?

3. Ever request a song on the radio?

4. What song, and whom for?

5. What's the best thing about your current job? (there must be something)

6. Could you pull the plug on your parents if they were both on life support and in comas?

7. What time of day do you feel the best?

8. Where do you see yourself in a year? Five?

9. Funniest website around?

10. Who will star you in the movie about your life?

11. One of your favorite movie lines?

12. Everything else being the same, would you rather live on a 100 acre ranch in the country or sky high in New York city?

13. Question 13! Any phobias or unreasonable fears?

14. Have you named your car? Your computer?

15. Fold, roll or crumple? You have to just know what I'm talking about here. I'm not going to explain it.

16. What's your homepage? (When you launch your Internet browser, what page comes up by default?)

17. A mountain-sized comet will impact the Earth in a week eliminating all life. How will you spend your last week?

18. What do you have more of: books, movies, music?

19. Where did you think you'd be now when you were in high school?

20. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?