Plan "B"

I get around to getting pictures up online eventually. Lots going on this week. Anyway, here are some pictures from New Melones Lake in Sonora this weekend.

We had a great time! So many RVs and tents. So many speedboats and SUVs. You couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting an SUV. Then, everyone broke out their various boat toys. There was the Molecule, a banana boat and a saucer.


I rode the saucer, but nobody got a picture of me. Joey on the other hand refused to give up when he got flipped over! The former Marine would just hang on hoping that the thing would flip over again. It was great. There's always room for me to take a picture of my feet, so I did so.



Hmm, the picture above shows three kids on the saucer, but the next picture only shows two. I wonder if we went back for the straggler.



Pastor had the banana boat and took everyone who would dare on the ride of their life.



Lastly, it was a blessing being around men and talking about men things. I'm thankful for being able to solidify some relationships I'd made since joining this church, and I'm thankful for the new friendships I've made. The preaching was awsome and confirmed my faith even further.

My next camping trip is Whispering Pines (for some value of 'camping'). Then, Yosemite. Then I think I'll be hanging up my vacation gear until October! I hope Europe is ready for me!

Note on W.P.. It's going to be a different sort of year this year. Pray for strength.

Hi all. I'm back from the Men's Retreat. 60 men and boys were there. 60! Some churches don't even have 60 Men! It was great. Great preaching - great fellowship - great food. Pictures to follow, but I just got back to work and had to address something right off the bat.

Starting Thursday, I'd been getting calls from the "Chase Bank Fraud Alert Center". I have a Chase card, but something seemed phishy. I Googled the phone number that was given (800) 454-9078 and sure enough - it's a phishing expedition. Well actually, about 1/2 the results said it was phishing - the other 1/2 said it was legitimate. Probably the phishers trying to cover up the news with noise.

I was all set to ignore the voicemails and get on with life, when my phone rang. Caller ID showed 800-454-9078. I picked up and got an automated voice telling me to enter my credit card number. I typed in some random numbers knowing that all Visas start with a 4 and I ended with 1585. I didn't have time to come up with a valid checksum number, but it seemed to work. I'm not sure everyone would know to do this, but it got me past the first part of the call. The automated voice asked me if I authorized a charge to a travel agency. Press 1 for yes, press 3 for no. I pressed 3, and was put on hold. After a while, I was disconnected.

Bummer! I was really hoping to be able to play with these scammers. What really shocks me is that Chase bank - the real Chase bank - has been allowing them to be operational since Thursday. I would think that they'd want to shut them down as quickly as possible, but as my Google search revealed, they've been operational for quite some time. I gave Chase 12 hours to investigate. If the phone number is still operational in 12 hours, I'm going to freeze my account. If the phone number is still operational in 24 hours, I'm probably going to close my Chase account.

Lesson to be learned: If a bank ever calls you or sends you an email about anything - DON'T RESPOND! Instead, go to the bank branch personally and ask about the subject of the email or call. It's pretty hard to fake being a physical bank, so that's pretty much the only way you can trust anyone today. Calling them directly may not work in the near future because many banks are going to IP phones which can be hacked, so the scammers can actually receive calls made to the bank. What a lovely world we live in now, isn't it?

Woo Hoo! [ouch - shhh] I finally made it to Pinnacles, but my body still feels like it was in a street fight. I wish I could say it was from jumping from rock to rock, but the sad reality is that I think I got food poisoning on Friday night. Bummer.

Day 1: Friday.
Michele got stuck in traffic, so by 6 pm, I decided that I'd better be going so I wouldn't have to set up the tent in the dark. I made it to the site alright and bought two boxes of "good wood", a silly non-sparking kind of wood that sorta looks like it got created by a really big play-doh press. It actually burned pretty well, and I was able to get the tent up before nightfall. I waited until around 9:o0 (+/-) when Michele finally arrived. Wow! Did she ever get stuck in traffic. I started dinner and everything was going along pretty well, when one of these lil' critters started getting closer than I really feel comfortable having them.





Soon, there were more. One would distract by pretending to take the marshmallows and another would swipe the raisins. It was orchestrated tag-teaming. We made a bunch of noise during quite hour, but really had a hard time with how aggressive they were.

We talked for a few hours - mostly about divorce and how we were doing. Any stranger listening in would have thought we were wierdos, but it was a very healthy conversation, without interuption by people who haven't been there. Thanks Michele.

Day 2:
The next morning, I wasn't feeling 100%. I thought it might be my continued lack of sleep punctuated by the howling and other noises of nature or the uncomfortable pad. Either way, I was still very tired through breakfast, which was country scrambled eggs, thick bacon and dang strong coffee you could chew. Oh, and roasted bear claws, M m m m m.





P.S. The Stellar Jays are just as gutsy as the raccoons, but also pretty stupid when it comes to landing on the bbq grate. Good thing their legs are made out of airplane aluminum.

Around 2 pm, we finally made it to the start of the hike. Did I mention that neither one of us was in a really big hurry? I knew that at 2 o'clock, we weren't going to see any wildlife, but that was o.k. since we'd seen so much the night before. We toughed out just over 3 hours of hiking, and I was spent. Exhausted. Through.

The first shot is our "prom pose" - oh yeah, we went to the prom. Rob took Lydia. Susi and I had broken up. (P.S. Susi's fine, Anthony came home from Iraq a few weeks ago)




So, about Pinnacles. The Pinnacles are basically the remains of an extinct volcano. The absolutely huge rock formations left behind do not scale well, but here are the pictures anyway.




Then, there are the caves. The big bat cave was closed to the public when we got there, but the Balcony caves were pretty darned impressive. The most amazing thing was the sheer walls in a V shape holding up the spherical balls of a boulder. These things are just HUGE!

I work at the strangest place. It's a bit like Cheyenne Mountain because it's secluded, but it more like a super secret installation because most people don't know it's here. Anyway, for some reason, I've been lugging my camera around and I happened upon these fellows this morning. It looks like they're eating the hay that the rancher puts out for the cows.



Anyway, ME and me are going camping this weekend at Pinnacles, so there's going to be a few more pictures posted soon.

O.K. I think I came up with a pretty good plot twist. George has told people in the past that his jobs included: architect and marine biologist, so I thought it would be a good idea for him to finally sell some of his architecture books at the sidewalk sale. An semi-attractive woman walks up and is admiring the books. George asks if she's interested in architecture. "As a matter of fact, I am an architect. Well, just as a hobby now though. I've gone back to my first love - marine biology." George can't believe his ears. He's mezmorized by her. It helps that she isn't very attractive - it means he might have a shot. The have a few dates and then it turns out that she's unemployeed and living with her parents. George is shocked that she would tell such lies.

Well, whatdaya think? You might have to be familiar with the Seinfeld series to understand that though. But I think it's workable.

So, I know how I want to end the Seinfeld episode, but I'm violently short of my 22,000 word goal. To that end, I need a plot twist. Any ideas from the peanut gallery? Comment here.



Here's a brief run down of how it's going to progress. Jerry brings the table and four chairs to the yard sale - err - sidewalk sale. While Jerry has to leave the sale for a moment, George sells ONE of the chairs, leaving a three chair set. Jerry whines that you can't sell three chairs. Elaine brings over the boxes of stuff to sell, and is in a hurry. Jerry opens the first box and finds "something" that surprises him and George into embarrassed laughter. There is a sense of shock that Elaine would own the thing in the box, but the contents are never disclosed (think "a bottle of rogaine or a large, well-used hatchet"). "Is that was I think it is?" "I don't think it could be anything else." "Why would she need that?" "You don't think she..." "Well, we can't sell that if it's used, can we?" - and try to keep your minds out of the gutter. :-) Also in the box is notebook of love letters to Jerry that Elaine wrote when she was drunk one night. Newman buys the notebook and there is a scene of him sitting in his living room late at night with just a single lamp on while he reads it hungrily. I'm fiddling around with the idea that George's mom loads a bunch of VERY large bras into the box that George brings to the sale.

Throughout the episode, you'll find Kramer going from post office to post office, emptying the postage machines in an effort to corner the market on Susan B Anthony dollar coins. As tax day approaches, there is a news feed with a reporter explaining that during the busiest postal day in the year, people are unable to mail their tax returns because all the postage machines in the state of New York are out of order. Obviously the results of some evil plot to bring the United States government to its knees by cutting off their source of income.

So, the ball's in your court people. I need something to fill in. A plot twist. A new story. Your call.

Even if it's just you and God.

I found this tree minding its own business during my walk today. It's high enough up the hill that nobody has probably ever sat under its limbs - except if you're a cow. I walk by this tree almost every work day. I've never really noticed it before, but today I was reeling from what I almost let out of my fingers in typing my earlier blog. I starred at the tree for a little while to take in its natural beauty and (dare I say) be a part of its day.

This isn't some tree-hugger rhetoric. This isn't some hippie rant. This was a man, at peace with God, enjoying the day that he was given. This was a tree, oblivious about what a blog is and only concerned about being beautiful for God.

Did I happen to mention that I slept 7 hours one night last week? It felt wonderful. I pray for more restful nights.

Memorial Day pictures (and a broken rule)

I had a nice time getting to know people better during the picnic last weekend. I still don't know everyone as well as I would like, but I'm making progress. We men are going camping in two weeks. I'm looking forward to a retreat with Christian men, and I have the feeling that pastor's going to corner me about Tracy.

[Here's where I break my rule about never backspacing. I had to take out a lot of stuff. Mostly about confusion and unanswered questions that only God can handle now.]

I'm also so thankful that I've been able to run to God in these times. I'm so thankful for a supporting church who doesn't just try to make me feel good but is willing and eager to show me from the Bible what I must know to get through trials. And when I'm wrong, I'm wrong - not the Bible. I'm thankful for a pastor who preaches the Bible clearly without sugar coating anything. He never says, "well, I think this" or "I think that". Instead, he says, "the Bible says this about that".

I've finally come to realize the thin razor thin path I am expected to walk. I see now how many times I fail, and how many times I must climb back onto the potter's wheel for another go around. (thanks for an awsome message pastor) I've been reshaped for the better after all and will continue to be reshaped as long as I remain moldable. Not just because of what has happened to me, but also inspite of it.

Please don't give me a hard time about how long this is taking. It's really been just 3 months, and although it's also been 4 years, it means that I have feelings. It also means that I've had my metal tested and I've come out stronger for it.

Finally, below are some of the pictures from our church Memorial Day picnic. I enjoy every hour that I'm with these people. I thank God for them in my life, and I'm hopeful that if it be God's will, I'm able to move closer so I can spend more time with them.

SCENE 3: Interior Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Kramer are present.

KRAMER: You know what I just found out?

JERRY: Dollars don't cost two dollars?

KRAMER: No. I just found out that the postage machines at the post office give out Susan B Anthonys as change.

JERRY: So?

KRAMER: So?! So, Jerry?! So, haven't you been paying attention? Jerry, they're not making these anymore. These are collectibles. People just don't understand the value.

JERRY skeptical: Riiiight.

KRAMER: Hey, give me twenty dollars, buddy.

JERRY: Twenty dollars? What happened to your money?

KRAMER: It's all tied up. I need twenty bucks to buy a stamp.

JERRY: That's some stamp. Are you taking a cheap trip somewhere by mailing yourself?

KRAMER: No, Jerry. You see, I put a twenty dollar bill into the postage machine and buy one stamp. Then, the change comes in Susan B Anthony dollars.

Outer door buzzes. Jerry just stares at Kramer as if he's crazy.

JERRY at intercom: Yeah?

ELAINE: Me.

JERRY: C'mon up.

Jerry buzzes Elaine in and opens his front door.

JERRY: Alright Jerome. When do you think these dollars are going to be worth anything more than a dollar?

KRAMER: Oh, they're going to be priceless, Jerry. I'm going to corner the market in Susan B's. Didn't you see Goldfinger?

Jerry hands a twenty dollar bill to Kramer

JERRY: Alright, but if I find you buying any nuclear devices with this you're going to put an unnecessary strain on our relationship.

Elaine enters.

ELAINE: Hey.

JERRY: Hey.

KRAMER: Hey. Hey, Elaine. Do you have anything that you want to get rid of? George is having a yard sale here this weekend.

ELAINE: Umm, I don't know. I think I have some bridesmaid dresses you can have. Oh, and I think I still have some books and stuff from college that I don't want anymore. A yard sale, eh? [turns to Jerry] How suburban.

JERRY: Yeah, there goes the neighborhood. I'm going to sell a table and chairs, and Kramer's going to sell his hot tub and some - accessories.

KRAMER: O.K. buddy, I gotta go. [pats Jerry on the shoulder] I'm off to test the system. Wish me luck. [kisses twenty dollar bill]

JERRY: Yeah, good luck with that.

Kramer exits.

ELAINE: Test the system?

JERRY: Yeah, Kramer's got this idea that Susan B Anthony dollars are going to be worth something someday. It's a long story.

ELAINE as an angry, disgruntled women's libber: Ugh, Susan B Anthony dollars. You know, Jerry, [accusatory] that's what's wrong with America. You pay lip service to women by putting one on a coin that nobody can use. Do you know how many of those dollars I've lost because I thought they were quarters!? Huh? Do you!? [pokes Jerry in the chest with her index finger] It's just the typical male-driven world trying to keep us down. That's what it is.

JERRY partronizing: Yeah, well, we're really sorry about that. [instantly changes mood] Bridesmaids dresses, huh? How many weddings have you been in?

ELAINE immediately nonchalant as opposed to her earlier outrage: I dunno. 94? Oh, hey - what time is the yard sale?

Note: For the next few lines, every "I don't know" should be said in the same tone.

JERRY: I don't know - what time do yard sales start?

ELAINE: I don't know - I've got something else to do this weekend, so I'll just drop the boxes off in the morning before I go, ok? You're just going to have it in front of the building? Are you going to rope off an area?

JERRY: I don't know. [sternly] Hey, you're going to put price tags on everything aren't you?

ELAINE: I don't know. Do people put price tags on used college books and trashy novels?

JERRY: I don't know.

ELAINE: How much do you think I can get for those? The college books cost a fortune.

JERRY: I don't know. How much do you think they're worth now.

ELAINE: I don't know.

[PAUSE of silence]

JERRY: We're not cut out for suburban living are we?

ELAINE: Not in the least. Hey, you wanna get lunch? I'll spring for the cab.

JERRY: O.K.

Jerry grabs his coat and they prepare to leave.

JERRY: So where are you going this weekend?

ELAINE sassy: New boyfriend wants to take me to diner and a hot stone massage.

JERRY: Really. Hot stone massage. What is that really?

ELAINE back to prior "I don't know" rhetoric: I don't know.

JERRY: Ah. Perhaps we're not cut out for urban living either.

ELAINE breaking from prior "I don't know tone" mumbles: I dunno.

Both exit

SCENE 2: Interior George's parents home filled with boxes of varying sizes. Water skis, pinball machine - even possibly a moosehead fill the room. George is busy sorting boxes when his parents come in through the front door.

ESTELLE: What are you doing!

FRANK: What on Earth is going on?

GEORGE: I'm getting ready for a yard sale.

ESTELLE: We can't have a yard sale. It's not Earth Day! You'll violate the CC&Rs. Frank, he'll violate our CC&Rs. We'll get kicked out. We'll be homeless. We'll die pennyless and homeless.

FRANK: What are you doing?

GEORGE: No. No, I'm just getting things together to move over to Jerry's. I'm going to have a yard sale at Jerry's.

ESTELLE: He'll get us evicted, Frank. What if somebody comes over. How will I explain this. How will I explain this moose!?

FRANK: Calm down! I'll handle this. [Frank gets calm] What are you doing?

GEORGE: I told you! I'm getting things together to bring over to Jerry's. I'm going to have a yard sale at Jerry's this weekend.

FRANK: How are you going to have a yard sale at Jerry's? Jerry doesn't even have a yard!

GEORGE: We're going to have it on the sidewalk.

FRANK: Then it's a sidewalk sale. Why didn't you just say sidewalk sale?

ESTELLE: Oh, wait. I have some dresses you can sell.

GEORGE: I can't sell dresses at my yard sale.

ESTELLE: Why not?

GEORGE: It's just too wierd.

ESTELLE: That's silly. I have some clothes that you can sell. Hold on. Oh, and take this. [Estelle hands George something - perhaps the figurine that was key in a prior episode] Take this old thing.

Estelle tarts getting excited about getting rid of stuff and runs to the kitchen.

ESTELLE picks up fire extinguisher: Here. Take our fire extinguisher.

FRANK: You can't give him our fire extinguisher!

ESTELLE: Why not? We're not using it. Here. [hands fire extinguisher to George] Frank, don't you have anything that George can sell at his yard sale?

FRANK irritated: It's a sidewalk sale! And no! I own nothing.

ESTELLE to George: Oh, then you can have his golf shoes. I'll go get them.

FRANK yelling: You cannot have my golf shoes! Stay away from my golf shoes. Stay away from anything of mine.

ESTELLE: I thought you didn't have anything.

GEORGE fed up: Stop arguing! Always, you're arguing. I don't want your golf shoes. I don't want your dresses. I just want to bring these things to Jerry's for the yard sale.

FRANK under breath: sidewalk sale.

ESTELLE: Well, I'll just make a little box of things that you can take over. Really, it's no problem. There just things I'm not using anymore.

GEORGE beaten down: Fine [sigh].

ESTELLE: Why do you want to have a yard sale anyway?

FRANK under breath and staring at ceiling: Sidewalk sale.

GEORGE: I owe money for taxes and I thought...

FRANK in a parental tone: You need money? [Frank opens wallet and thumbs through it] How much do you need? I got 4 dollars. How much do you owe in taxes?

GEORGE to Estelle ignoring Frank: So, you're going to make up a box of stuff for me?

ESTELLE looking at Frank as she exits: I've got all kinds of things I'm not using anymore.

SEINFELD
SEASON 9
EPISODE 1

"THE YARD SALE"

SCENE 1: Interior Jerry's apartment. Jerry is in the kitchen after just arriving home. He is rummaging through his mail when the doorbell rings. Jerry swings open the door without looking while keeping his attention on the mail.

Enter George.

JERRY: Oh, hey George.

GEORGE: Hi Jerry. What's up? [George glances at Jerry's mail]

JERRY thumbing through mail: Nothing much. Hey! I just got my last 1099 form! [Jerry smiles and seems childishly excited as he heads towards the desk area of the apartment with the form in hand to the dismissal of all other mail]. They certainly take their time getting these things to you. I had to ask for this twice, and I thought I would need to file for an extension.

GEORGE looking pale: Oh yeah, um tax day. Is it that time again?

JERRY: Same Bat time. Why? Your not done yet?

Jerry pulls out a very large accordian file with brilliantly colored tabs and labels and is nearly full. It is a model of neatness though - nothing is overstuffed, but it's very imposing.

GEORGE: Well, I owe taxes this year, so I wait until the very last minute to file.

JERRY with a sense of accomplishment finds the exact location for the 1099 form: Well, you don't have to wait until the very last minute to prepare it.

GEORGE sheepishly moving toward frustration: Well, it's not like I have a lot of experience in this sort of thing. I just feel a lot of pressure, you know?

Jerry crosses to the kitchen and opens fridge.

JERRY: Well, just do what you did last year.

Jerry opens a soda.

JERRY questioning: What *did* you do last year?

GEORGE guilt ridden: Oh yeah, last year.

JERRY almost laughing: You didn't file last year either? How do you get away with that?

Door knock.

GEORGE feeling very pressured now: I DON'T KNOW! I JUST PANICKED! I OWED LAST YEAR TOO!

GEORGE sinks into himself and mumbles: Where am I going to get money from?

JERRY: Some people use jobs. I'm not sure what unemployed people who still have W-2s do.

Jerry opens the door slightly and Kramer takes the door the rest of the way - dramatically. Kramer walks in with a coin collection in book format.

KRAMER excited: HEY! Look what I found!

JERRY looking over his soda: What da ya got there?

KRAMER: It's a coin collection, Jerry! Look! [Kramer opens the book with a "what do you think about that" look] Susan B. Anthonys. You know they don't make these anymore.

JERRY: Neat. Where did you find those?

KRAMER: At a yard sale. The poor fool who gave them away didn't see their true value. Some day these will be worth a mint.

JERRY smiling: Yeah, well, how much 'true value' do these babies have?

KRAMER proud and oogling coins: I picked them up for fifty bucks. I got 25 of these rare beauties. Look at the quality here, Jerry. Not a scratch.

Kramer holds the open book close for Jerry and taps the soda Jerry is holding.

KRAMER alerted/excited: HEY! be careful! I don't want anything to degrade these specimens.

GEORGE lively and talking with both arms extended : That's it! A yard sale. Jerry, that's it a yard sale - a yard sale.

George claps his opened hands and seems smug with the knowledge of how to solve his problem.

JERRY skeptical: A yard sale? How much do you owe exactly?

GEORGE not so excited anymore: Exactly? Well, ummm.

JERRY as if his patience is worn at the interrogation: Approximately?

GEORGE sinking back into himself: About [pause] approximately [pause] twenty thousand dollars.

JERRY mocking and nodding: That's some yard sale [finishes soda]. Here, recycle this.

Jerry hands the empty bottle/can to George who takes it.

KRAMER to George: You know George, you can make a lot of money at these yard sales.

JERRY nodding: Yeah, you can sell a dollar for two dollars at some.

KRAMER puts on his scheming 'get rich quick' persona to George: So, what do you have that you can sell, hmmm?

Kramer claps hands together and rubs them.

GEORGE: I don't know. I have a couple of storage units with stuff.

JERRY: A couple? What do you keep in there? Bodies?

GEORGE: I don't know - stuff. I don't like to get rid of anything in case I need it later. You've seen my wallet.

JERRY: Ahhhhh, the wallet.

KRAMER: Great buddy. So, when's the big day?

GEORGE struggling for answers: Umm, I don't know. I can't have it at my parents place. We're only allowed to have yard sales on April 21st.

JERRY: Earth Day?

GEORGE whinning: I don't know. I don't make the rules. I'm just a victim of them. Jerry, can I use the front of your building? You get a lot of people walking by. Can I?

JERRY wincing: I don't know. I don't even know what the rules are here about stuff like that.

KRAMER: Perfect! Jerry's place. This weekend!

JERRY: Alright, you can use the sidewalk, but you're in front of Kramer's building. Not mine.

KRAMER: Great! Hey George, I might have some stuff to sell too.

JERRY: You know - I might have something also.

GEORGE to Jerry: Really? What?

JERRY: My parents gave me this dining room set a few years ago they got from their neighbors estate sale.

GEORGE: But you have a dining room set.

JERRY: I know, they apparently thought I needed another.

GEORGE: I'm going to get started right now. Jerry, can I borrow your car?

JERRY passing keys to George: Sure.

George exits.

KRAMER to Jerry as Kramer exits: Alright, buddy. We'll see you. I've got to dismantle my hot tub.

JERRY: Hot tub?

KRAMER: Yeah, I'm done with it. Hey, do you know if I can return Jell-O without a receipt?

JERRY: Ewwww.

KRAMER: Ah, never mind. I'll just sell them at the yard sale. Alright take care.

Kramer exits.

Pacca Pacca music.